He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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