I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Randomize
