i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
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You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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