I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
