Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
In other news, I just burned my penis
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
