I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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