I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
