Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
