Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
