I CAN MOONWALK!
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
