I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
