I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
