if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i think i have herpe
just one?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Randomize
