I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
