you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
