Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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