Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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