I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
her vagine was all disorganized.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
