our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
