In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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