dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
What changed your mind?
Being sober
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
