You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
