I met the friendliest cop last night
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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