So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
