My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
