Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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