Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Of course I have a pirate flag
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
