just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
