Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
