it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
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you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
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It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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