If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
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