i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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