I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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