You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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