I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
