i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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