I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
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