Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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