Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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