yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
