He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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