Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
