If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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