My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
