How'd it feel making her break her religion?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
