Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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