you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
