My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
