no, he came in my armpit
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
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