yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
