he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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