she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
