Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Im part way to drunk.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
