I'm pants shitting drunk right now
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
