dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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