She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
