Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
