I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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