now i know why i became what i already was.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
