Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
