his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
