I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
