So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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