and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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