I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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