He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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